MARVELLOUS: Fellows and Fights

Friday, August 12, 2011

Fellows and Fights

Making art is like having a tumultuous relationship. The beginning is always easy. I'm full of passion, intent and excitement, and all possibilities feel open to me. There is no struggle. The artwork develops in beautiful leaps and bounds and my ideas will feel natural, intuitive and close to the surface, even when the nuts and bolts are elusive. I can never sleep when I'm beginning something. An incredible energy bubbles up inside me and I'll work til 5 am and still feel like a million bux. And then... the first rock. Without fail, it's always there. Sitting in my way and blocking every angle. I push and push and search and search. What's wrong? What can I do? It will resist my petitioning, my appeals. I'll ignore it, give it space, act like I don't care and go to the beach or clean my room. But always I can feel the anxiety of the rock there. I'll look at what I've made and hate all of it. I'll want to throw it out the window. I'll fight and push it too far, wrecking the parts I once loved and start hating myself for being the shittest artist in the universe. It's very boring and ugly. And then, like all things, time passes. Emotions die down. I'll suddenly look at the work and see it for what it is, not for the thing that I expect it to be. I'll stop fighting it and start following it's lead, understanding what can be done. Suddenly we're back on. The work opens up. I fall in love with the new place I'm heading and I'm excited for the future and all it's possibilities. I love being an artist again and stop wishing I'd become a florist or hairdresser.

This summer I've been awarded an artist fellowship at the Robert Blackburn Printmaking Workshop. It's incredible to be given the time, money, assistance, instruction, studio space and equipment to make my own work. I've loved every moment of it, despite the battles and bloodshed and regular WTF?!'s as I fight my way through my project. There's eight fellows and we'll have our exhibitions next summer. The other artists are way more impressive and established than me, but they're all super cool, humble, generous and funny, and we have quickly become friends. I am constantly in admiration and inspiration. Look at some of their amazing work!